First off, I’d like to say thank you to everyone who read my last blog post. Mr. Fixer and I have received an overwhelming amount of support, encouragement, and prayer in response to our loss. We feel incredibly blessed to have such wonderful family and friends in our lives! Starting this conversation has been especially cathartic for me, giving me hope and courage to continue to move forward on this adventure of future parenthood.
Not only was writing about my miscarriage cathartic, though, it was also an eye-opening experience for myself as a “blogger.” As any blogger knows, the statistics graph on your website can be incredibly interesting to monitor. In the grand scheme of things, Mr. Fixer and I have a relatively small number of people who consistently read the blog (hi Grandma!). With the last post, however, readership jumped to about four times our normal traffic! I’m not really sure why this is, however I have my theories. The overarching theory is that we are simply very curious (voyeuristic?) creatures. The title of the post — Burly Beams and Shattered Dreams — was compelling enough for people to click, and I mentioned a “heart-to-heart” in my Facebook link (who wouldn’t be drawn in by that?). On a deeper level, though, I think we are all just yearning for a little bit of personal connection. We love to hear personal stories, and we love to tell them!
The huge proliferation of the blogging world is testament enough to that, and I am certainly not excluded. Which is why (yes, I am getting to a point) I don’t feel terribly awkward including more personal posts on the site. Yeah, yeah, I know this is supposed to be a DIY, home improvement type of blog, but the subtitle is “and everything in between,” so you certainly can’t say you weren’t warned! 🙂
Well, friends, now that we got that out of the way, onward and upward! Yesterday, two weeks into this bittersweet new year, I finally decided on my new year’s resolution. [Drumroll, please] I don’t want to worry anymore! I know for some of you Whole30/quit-smoking/run-a-marathon/win-the-Pulitzer-Prize type of folks, you are probably rolling your eyes right now; but believe me, there were choir bells and angels singing in Mr. Fixer’s head when I told him my idea.
Because, well, I worry about everything. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, everything. And then I get grumpy. And then I sulk and cry and whine to Mr. Fixer (now you can imagine why he was singing hallelujah). Example: last night I decided to make chicken pot pie for dinner. I have never made this recipe before, though, so one, I underestimated the amount of time it would take to actually assemble everything and get it into the oven; and two, when I finally did get it in the oven, the butter in the crust started dripping onto the bottom of the oven, creating massive billows of smoke to come rushing out! And this is what is happening in my head the entire time — everyone is going to be so hangry (hungry + angry) that dinner is taking forever, and everyone is going to hate me, and our wonderful hosts are going to kick us out of their house for ruining the bottom of their oven and smoking up their kitchen, and the crust is going to turn out terrible, and I’m going to have to throw everything away and order pizza, which is going to make everyone even more hangry… and so on. Meanwhile, what everyone is really doing is keeping busy with chores around the house, laughing about the mess I am making, and not even realizing that it is creeping past 8pm and we haven’t even eaten yet.
After it slowly dawned on me what was happening around me, I gave Mr. Fixer a hug and told him that I wanted to worry less in the new year. [Hall-e-lu-jah, hall-e-lu-jah!] Wouldn’t I be so much happier and less stressed if I didn’t feel like the weight of the world (or maybe just dinner) was resting on my shoulders all the time? Why yes, yes I would.
Again, some of you are probably laughing, shaking your heads, and thinking, DUH, right? Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting a different result, but I think I’ve been on the crazy train for so long the obviousness of the solution was, well, not-so-obvious. The clouds have parted, though, and I have seen the light, so here is to a worry-free 2015! I hope that many of you will continue to follow along as I share my adventures in making this a reality. Of course, there will be plenty of house updates, as well!
Hugs and Happy Thursday!
Anyone else hoping to worry and stress less in the new year? I’d love to hear about it!